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A Brief Respite

I think my post-Vatican II head has stopped spinning. Maybe the mayhem wrought by those seeking to hijack The Church has merely slowed? In any event, the recently concluded Synod on the Family has seemingly stuck a stick in the sand; tho maybe only a small stick. Maybe only an effort to change the water and not throw it out with the baby?

When I entered The Church, the altar boys had to learn Latin. Going to Mass now, it is unusual to see any males up there, other than the priest (thank GOD, that hasn’t changed). Nobody was trying to water-down Catholicism – attack, demolish, eradicate, maybe – but not transform it into the namby-pamby pablum that other (heretical) Christian sects are trying to do. You see, for me, the “old” Church fits. I sang “kum-by-yah” at one time, I don’t now.

The quintessential counter-cultural figure of all time was Jesus Christ. He founded an institution based on the frailties of the creatures it exists to save. Pretty much a mandate of “You will come close to drowning many times; but I won’t let you. Furthermore, while you are trying to save yourself, you must also save others.” Rather much the antithesis of: “if you see someone in distress in the water (in the old days that would be “drowning,” but of course we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings now-a-days), the first thing you do is NOT jump in.” The modern version is more like: “if you want to be in distress in the water, don’t bother me.”

So, based on the Founder’s example, The Church is also counter-cultural. When it discards all it stands for, it stops being The Church. This is not religion of any kind: this is logic.

I want a corpus on a cross. I want a Crucifix. Sure, it is fabulously wonderful that Christ conquered the Cross, and celebrating the empty cross is a good thing. But, not at the expense of recalling what it took to get there. In the Garden of Gethsemane, remembered as the First Sorrowful Mystery of the Rosary (for those of us blessed to pray the Rosary – sorry about you other heathens), Christ cried. Very poetically, “like drops of blood.” Why did He cry? “For being done too soon,” as Neil Diamond sang? Perhaps. Maybe more out of frustration that His sacrifice (wanna talk “mortification of the flesh”?) would not save us all. Oh, it could, of course. Let there be no doubt that, if it wasn’t up to us (us and our damnable free will), that Crucifixion would have been more than enough to save us all – all of us, forever.

And so, I wear a Crucifix on a chain around my neck. I have a short memory; I need the reminder. And, I wear it on the outside of my shirt; I don’t want anybody asking me if I’m Catholic (obviously, if I was a lot more saintly, others would know I was Catholic by my behavior and they would not need a chunk of metal on my chest to tell them. What can I say? I’m a sinner. Sue me.)

I want a Church that helps me not be just another lemming, following the crowd, obsessed with sensual gratification, instant reward (and the less I have done to earn it, the better), the accumulation of toys (news flash: the person with the most toys definitely does not “win”). Yeah, I try to avoid eating meat on Fridays; but then, I try to avoid eating meat every day. The other six days, I try to avoid meat for me, for my health, for consciousness of how little others around the world have to eat, for awareness that the American love affair with beef is not environmentally sustainable. I try to avoid eating meat on Fridays not for what I am, but for who I am. Six days a week, I am concerned about physical health, one day a week I am concerned about spiritual health. (Actually, if the truth be known, I am not a foodie: food is only a fuel, not a life altering event. Honestly, I seldom think about food. Sorry, Scott.)

I’m all for priests not marrying. I do love the irony: looking at my life, it is clear the only way I could have kept my jeans zipped was to die trying. So, it’s something else? Yeah: lack of distractions. I have tried keeping one foot in the secular world: being married, providing for a family (i.e., having a job, even a job I detest); and trying to put the other foot into the camp of salvation: more prayer time, more study of the Bible and other writings (sometimes called “commentaries,” or Tradition – no, the capital T is not a typo; old Catholics know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout). The day just is not long enough for me; but then, I’m slow.

Y’know, when your tooth aches, you want your dentist right now. You don’t want to hear an answering company say that he/she is taking a much deserved holiday in the Bahamas. When you get a letter from the IRS, you don’t want you accountant to shuffle thru his calendar and tell you he’s got an opening on April 16th. When you go to the emergency room at 2 o’clock in the morning with a racing, pounding heart, you don’t want the single on-duty receptionist (in the old days, that would be a fully qualified nurse) to take her time finding the right forms for you to fill in. I don’t want my priest, my spiritual advisor to have other things on his mind. Laser-focus, that’s what I’m after.

GOD love him if he wants a wife and kids; Jesus’ first miracle was at a wedding (yes, beyond doubt, a heterosexual wedding). GOD love him if he just can’t devote every moment of his life to the greater glory of GOD (GOD knows I haven’t). But, if he’s going to claim to be a priest, I want a priest of the old school – the order of Malchizedek. He’s going to be dependable. Maybe not instantly available; but when I call (e.g., every Sunday), I know what I’m getting. And what I’m getting, I’m getting only in a Catholic Church. The last thing I want to hear from the pulpit is “I’m ok and you’re ok and that’s ok.” For Heaven’s Sake: I’m a sinner, you’re a sinner, now what are we going to do about it?”

I want to be associated with an institution that says that ending human life is always a bad thing. Bad, bad, bad. Period. End of discussion. As a Marine, this is the most difficult Teaching I have to deal with. But, I never killed a child, or to my knowledge, an unborn baby. Small consolation perhaps; but also reality. So, it makes me want to reach for my Kabar when someone wants an abortion because that human life yet unborn is inconvenient. You want “inconvenient”? You might find your blood on the floor terribly inconvenient.

Who you fuck is your business, just get it out of my face. Dunno which is worse: current society’s obsession with sex, or making it the most important thing in the world. Beyond the constant reminder that some people define themselves by their “sexual orientation,” I find homosexuality both revolting and interesting. Kinda like the “mad scientist” who enjoys watching rats in the maze he’s constructed, but would never want to be in that maze himself.

Revolting because as a supremely devout heterosexual, I can’t imagine anything more disgusting than having sex with another man. And this, keeping in mind that GOD did not make every woman to look like Angelina Jolie. I mean, projectile vomiting comes to mind. Ok, so you say po-tay-to and I say po-tah-to. Fine, just get it out of my face. Puh-leez.

Interesting in that supposedly intelligent people can think it could possibly be intelligently rational. Whatever else you might think, each and every species of every living thing there ever was needed to reproduce itself. (The opposite of reproduce is “extinct” – in case you slept thru 9th grade biology.) Granted, some species don’t need other members of their species to reproduce; but it might be safe to say those species were, um, shall we say, anomalous? Statistically, there just aren’t many of them. And, scientifically, there might be some justification for that ability (like: simple lack of mates – something I submit is not the case with human beings).

Which leads us to the question of how homosexual human beings propagate. Physically, they don’t. Pretty simple. Absolutely irrefutable. If homosexuality is somehow “normal”; how come they can’t “normally” make more of their own kind? Think about it.

Birds fly, fish swim. This is called “natural law.” Every creature, plant or animal, has characteristics, or attributes. Human beings are intelligent enough to fabricate flying machines and swimming machines, but it is still a machine with a human in it. And, frankly, I kinda like that. And, I think my wife kind likes the idea that when we go to bed, I’d rather be with her than a goat. Or, duck-billed platypus. I like a church that says I might enjoy observing, or preserving spotted owls, but I am not one.

While I make my way thru this thing called Life, and I am assaulted with things that just don’t feel right, I like the rock that is my Church. Was it ever perfect? Did it ever do everything right? Hell, it doesn’t now. But, as a believer, I believe there is more than just “this Life.” Unlike an atheist who spends his life looking at this shoes, I spend by life looking at the stars. Unbelievers believe in the finite; I believe in the Infinite. Meanwhile, I have to roll up my sleeves; I have work to do. Thanks for reading. I hope to see you again. All comments are always welcome – life is a dialogue. And, eternity is a long time.

2014
10/22
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Bake a cake

Years ago (in another time, another galaxy), I had a wife who would bake a “German Chocolate Cake” for me, for my birthday. As it turned out, her father’s favorite was the same; but since neither of us knew that at the time, I don’t think that is why he let me marry her. In any event, a “German’s Sweet Chocolate” based cake is not a matter of opening a box, adding some water and throwing it in the oven for forty minutes. It’s not really a difficult cake to make, but it is involved and takes some effort time, and above all, a recipe (read: plan).

The ingredients are: 1 pkg. (4 oz.) BAKER’S GERMAN’S Sweet Chocolate; 1/2 cup water; 4 eggs, separated; 2 cups flour; 1 tsp. baking soda; 1/4 tsp. salt; 1 cup butter, softened; 2 cups sugar; 1 tsp. vanilla; 1 cup buttermilk; Coconut-Pecan Filling and Frosting (personally, I think using frosting out of a can is not only cheating, but rather defeats the point of a made-from-scratch cake). Yeah, not a box cake; but one that requires forethought and planning (I know my kitchen doesn’t have even half that stuff sitting on the shelf right now); and some time and effort when it comes time to bake. Being a triple layer cake, the temperature of the frosting is important (think Goldilocks and her search for the perfect bowl of oatmeal).

But, this posting is not about baking or the culinary arts.

There I was: 1:30 in the morning, siting (well, actually reclining) on the sofa, with a glass of wine (need you ask?), a candle (another given), and chant squeaking thru my smart phone. Enjoying the quiet and the steady strum of falling rain (it’s early days in the rainy season here in Seattle; ask me about enjoying the rain six months from now). When I was able to get my brain around this whole “creationism versus Darwinism” thing (musta been a recent reference to “Inherit the Wind” on Edmund Stone’s “The Score” radio program about the famous – yes, very famous, if you don’t know the story, shame on you – “Monkey Trial” of 1925 in the State of Tennessee).

I’ve never doubted that GOD created it all, everything, every-little-thing. And, I’ve always loved science; I’m not from Missouri, but I do enjoy a good proof.

Perhaps out of ignorance I accepted both the possibility that GOD did create and that things evolve. Maybe out of ignorance, but I slept just fine. In the vernacular: “It’s works for me.”

But, consider the cake: the right ingredients (my favorite herb, basil, just doesn’t fit), the right amounts and mixing (dry with dry, wet with wet, then combine – but is it combine the wet with the dry, or the other way around?). Let the chemistry begin. Add some heat, if you please; but not too much and not too long. And presto! What went into the oven is definitely not what comes out of the oven.

And some would argue: Stasis! The cake, once out of the oven, doesn’t change…doesn’t evolve. But, for those in the know, we know that anything made with butter tastes better the next day (altho this particular cake seldom lasted that long, if there was anyone else around to help me eat it).

So, GOD created, not objects, but a system. An ecosystem. However inconvenient that might be to some people. The ingredients that came together continue to work together. We can muster all of the fancy tools of science to see that our world is not static; there are geologic as well as climate changes all around us to see every day. Did GOD create today’s “global warming” (the angst is definitely man-made)? Science has proven, as only science can, that the earth’s climate does shift from warm to cold – there is nothing to refute that. Yet, we are surprised. Is the globe getting warmer (or, is it colder; I forget) because GOD stuck his fingers in the pie (sorry, cake) and “made it so”? More likely, GOD created a system that is dynamic, not static. A geological world that is constantly changing (sometimes fast – we can see it; sometimes slow – we can imagine it). A meterological world (I wanted “climatic world” – but that just didn’t fit, altho the pun is almost irresistible) that is clearly “weird”, if nothing else.

And, within this system, this Divinely Created System, there are creatures (I guess, if you’re gonna have a Creator, you gotta have creatures) and objects. The system is Divine and so everything in the system is the result of GOD’s Plan (or, recipe, if you prefer). Do we human beings change? Do you read the news? In my lifetime I see behaviors that were unimaginable forty years ago. And I see activity that should have died out long ago.

I’ve never doubted GOD, or the existence of GOD. I have always loved learning; I have always loved science. For me, they have never been in conflict. In fact, if science (which comes, of course, from the Latin for “I know”) proves anything, it proves the existence of GOD.

2014
10/11
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Relationships

I spent a delightful Friday afternoon recently with my cousin, in her living room. She had her bottle of white, I had my bottle of red, and the coffee table was spread with snacks/finger food/munchies. We covered quite a bit of ground in those seven hours.

One thing I learned was that my cousin was pretty well expressively forbidden to attend her sister’s son’s wedding. My cousin has two sisters, and over the years, the one who gets voted off the island changes; but I had no idea it could be so malicious as to coaching a barely-thirty to invite some people to his wedding, and find a few new ways to say “you’re not invited and you’re not welcome.” My cousin is still torn up about it, tears coming to her eyes. Me? Well, I was voted off the island years ago; my mourning has been done.

We also chatted about those superficial Facebook Friends; this was my topic to chew on with her. I was on Facebook for awhile, a couple of years, maybe. But, I found myself spending most of my time not reading, only hiding, what others had posted. Too much monologue, too much in the “here’s what I’m doing department” and not enough in the “what are you doing department.” I do spend quite a bit of time reading other blogs, but I am picky about subject matter. Just because it is a former high school classmate, I am still not interested in her/his dog/cat/goldfish. I might very well be the most widely travelled of that bunch; maybe that is why I don’t gravitate to those with blinders and rose-colored glasses. I finally deactivated my account and have never looked back.

What we talked about, my cousin and I, was relationships. Good, healthy, positive, affirming relationships, as well as negative, toxic relationships. She, like my wife, has a very high social need and thrives on people in her life; yet she found the time to spend practically a whole day chatting with jus’ li’l ol’ me. I can’t think of a better way to spend my precious time; and I can’t think of even a handful of people I would do that with. We didn’t solve anything of course; we weren’t there to problem solve, but to share. Whether she found the conversation helpful or not, only time will tell; this posting is what I discovered.

And what I discovered, talking aloud about people I have known over the years, is that I need to work harder with those relationships I do value.

There are those people I see frequently, and those I don’t see at all. Because I work nights, and my wife owns her own business, we don’t spend nearly enough time together. Well, not enough for me; but maybe enough for her (too much?). Because I was voted off the island and my little rubber dingy was torpedoed, I haven’t seen Daughter #1 in years and years. THAT relationship is tough to improve since trying to keep in touch with her is like, well like, what my cousin’s nephew did to her when he got married. Daughter #2 is coming back home; having learned one of life’s greatest and most painful lessons. Hopefully, she stays awhile, and we are able to move into from a pretty good to a very good relationship; anyway, she needs nurturing and we are stocking up on her comfort food. Everyone needs a home, a place where they can scratch whatever itches (thanks to Reverend Joe for that definition).

A guy I met at work years ago, who is one of the smartest people I have ever known, can think of nothing to do with his leisure time than drink beer and watch sports on tv. I’ve never developed a taste for beer, and I don’t even own a tv; but he and his wife visited me when I lived in Mongolia and Hungary – the only visitors I had. And, again while I was in Rome; though we had other visitors then. Point is, he’s put forth the effort – put his money where his mouth is: he has worked hard on our relationship. This Sunday, I am going over to his house to spend the afternoon drinking and watching football. He’ll drink a lot of beer, I’ll drink a lot of wine, and we’ll watch more hours of football than I’ve seen in years. We won’t talk like I did with my cousin; but we will spend time together, and that’s what we need for our relationship.

And I have two astonishingly faithful correspondents. I say “astonishing” because in this day and age of email and instant messaging – while “everyone” does it, no one else has been as constant. I haven’t seen either in years, yet we do write to each other. And, in both cases, if I showed up at their doorstep tomorrow, I am sure we’d have a great conversation, and not a little food and drink. In both cases, I have watched their kids grow up, and probably know things about their kids that would embarrass their kids (such is the nature of parents, I think). But, even though very far apart geographically, emotionally we are on the same page (which is not to say we have the same values). In fact, the one friend spent her summer holiday on the Canaries with her sixteen year old daughter and said I would be welcome to join them. It was nice to hear, even though we both knew I was impossible for me to do.

I did send out a dozen Christmas cards last year; first year in ages that I sent out so many. (No, I never heard from Daughter #1.) They were very nice cards, very much keeping the Christ in Christmas. I had to laugh, though: the card to my Hungarian friend arrived before Christmas, the card to my Norwegian friend arrived in February. I didn’t need to include the traditional “this is everything that happened this year” Christmas letter, because the people I sent cards to get more than annual updates from me; and they reciprocate.

I hope my true, authentic friends are happy I am in their lives. Dunno what they get from me; but it’s apparently working. I do know I am the better for having them in my life. And, I think that’s what friends are for.

2014
09/13
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Everything I need to know about …

Yes, I was – was – one of those that formed the opinion that everything I needed to know about Islam, I learned on “9/11”. But, I was not able to reconcile wholesale condemnation of an entire group based on the actions of a few. Especially a religious group. Over the next few years, I softened that opinion, concluding I just didn’t know enough to be so resolute.

The silence of moderate Muslims didn’t help educate me.

And, over the next few years, Muslim extremists continued their acts of terrorism, but not only against the US. I was willing to accept the hatred of the US – after all, we’ve earned it; but to terrorize other cities, countries, peoples for what? THAT just didn’t make any sense at all.

Still, moderate Muslims kept quiet.

Then the protracted war led by the US in Iraq and Afghanistan (if undeclared; or re-gifted as “Operation This,” and “Operation That”); I fully expected another “9/11”. I’m still surprised we haven’t had an encore.

Now – now – with ISIS, it is Muslims against Muslims. Pure and simple. No foreign government colonization or imperialism to fight against. Sure, if you’re not Muslim, and you are in the wrong place at the wrong time (anywhere in Iraq or Syria), you’re pretty much toast anyway; but, you’re not the target. You’re “just” collateral damage.

And, moderate Muslims remain quiet.

Most recently, the murder of James Foley is just so counter-productive. It’s as though the message is “We will kill you for not doing what we want, but we aren’t going to tell you what we want.” And the massacre of at least 73 people at the mosque in Bani Wais – what is the message there?

And Muslims that might be able to explain to infidels like me are saying what? Nothing.

Here we are, nearly 13 years since Islamic (debatable no longer) terrorism (by any definition) was launched onto the front pages of the world’s newspapers. 13 years of a daily diet of world-wide terror – not even the war in Vietnam lasted that long (at least as far as the evening news in the US was concerned).

At present, ISIS is running amok among its own people; one could say within its own borders. If it were a sovereign state (legitimate or otherwise), there would be an argument against foreign intervention. And, because it is largely (exclusively?) Muslims killing Muslims and some others, there are those that say it has no true association with Islam (the present incumbents of the White House and 10 Downing Streets among them). Cries of “let them do their own thing” at the very least, and “contain the threat” at the other end can be heard. Waiting until there is an attack on the US homeland is a poor strategy.

As to whether or not ISIS is “energizing the global jihadist movement,” one need look no further than the estimates of how many citizens of other countries have traveled to Syria and joined ISIS.

Consider, if you will, that they are murdering (obvious from the executions of James Foley and Steven Sotloff), and no doubt abusing and torturing their own and those unfortunate enough to be within their grasp. So, what would make anyone think they will confine themselves to just Iraq and Syria? Put another way, when they’ve run out of targets close to home, they will surely attempt to continue their sad parade further afield. Hitler did not stop at the Sudentenland. And this week, ISIS seems to have Egypt in its crosshairs.

Sadly, all I can conclude is:

Everything I need to know about Islam I learned on 9/11.

2014
09/07
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Robin Williams – Stop the Pain

Let me begin by saying I am writing this to try to come to grips with my own loss of Robin Williams. Let me also say that all I know of Robin Williams I know from his work on the stage and screen; in other words, I am no insider (family, friend).

 

I do, however, strongly relate to the state of mind where the only thing that can be done to stop the pain is to end it all. Suicide is the ultimate escape. Ultimate, final, permanent. Forever.

 

While I have stood at the edge of the abyss, I have (obviously) never taken the next step. I understand that there are some 40,000 of our fellow travelers in the United States that do take this next step every year. One suicide is a tragedy. 40,000 is an epidemic.

 

The pain is real. It is as real as real can be. Suicide is an act of desperation.

 

By any measure that society embraces, Robin Williams was a success. So too, John Denver, Karen Carpenter, many others. However, in their minds, they had failed. The pain comes from failure. The pain comes from a lack of hope. The pain comes from emptiness.

 

Yes, life is tough – for us all. We have very different lives. But, we all bring ourselves to the table, and present ourselves to the world, and very often the world flips us off. Day after day. Yet, the show must go on. Shouldn’t it? Some choose to conform, and may find some comfort in assimilation, maybe even to the point of losing themselves. Some may rebel, and find the conflict rewarding. Some choose to chuck it all and flip off the world.

 

While we put one foot in front of the other every day, we step out a journey of self-discovery. We all – without exception – strive to understand who we are in this thing called Life. Despite the cliché, we do, in fact, try to find ourselves.

 

For me personally, the hand of GOD has stayed my own hand, many times. I know of no other way to explain it. For me personally, it is GOD’s daily intervention in my own life that enables me to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. It is the absolute conviction that GOD is a real presence in my life that keeps me in this game, keeps me slugging away, keeps me from turning the occasional vacations from the rat race into a permanent departure from this world.

 

For those that are not similarly blessed, what about our friends? I used to be a Facebook user; but after awhile I found that no one wanted a dialogue. No one asked me about me. Seldom did anyone make any comment about me at all. It seemed that all of my Facebook Friends were much too busy talking about themselves to be at all interested in me. Day after day, it was “look at me, look at me”; not enough was it “what about you?” So, when I ask about our friends, I most definitely do not mean Facebook Friends.

 

I mean those people that do care, and act like it. They are more interested in you than themselves. They want to know how you’re doing, and say very little about how they’re doing – unless you ask (a dialogue, remember – interaction, not just observation).

 

As I said at the beginning, I did not know Robin Williams (or John Denver or Karen Carpenter), or any of those people close to them. So, I am only suggesting that they did not so much fail themselves as their friends failed them. I know, I know: who am I to say such a thing? It would be brash if it wasn’t stupid.

 

But, may I ask what you are doing to help those people you do know? Do any of you have it easy, and need no help? Are any of you totally alone and like it that way? Thrive in the complete absence of anybody or anything outside of you? IMHO, we all need somebody; whether it is another person like ourselves, or another person like Jesus.

 

It is too late to help some. But, it is not too late to help others. Learn from our losses and step up to supporting and befriending others. We all need help. Life is too big and too tough to go it alone.

 

“I get by with a little help from my friends” – you know this lyric, do something with it: be a friend. You might find your own pain is eased by helping others. Others just might follow your example and help you cope with your own pain. If you get in the habit of reaching out to help others, your hand will already be out there for someone else to take to help you. Win-win.

 

Robin Williams, thank you for sharing. You are missed. Rest in Peace.

 

 

 

 

2014
08/13
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Oh Hell

Well, is there, or isn’t there? You know: Hell. I mean, is there a Hell; or isn’t there a Hell? I want to understand my options for eternal life. And, if Hell is just not an option, then things in the here-and-now just got a whole bunch nicer. Yabbut, that is so terribly convenient. Too convenient. Too good to be true. Yeah, call me a cynic ‘cause I look horses in the mouth (I have no idea what it is I am supposed to be seeing there, but I look anyway – gift horses, too).

But, it seems to me there must be a Paul Harvey part of this hell thing. While I do accept the idea that GOD can do anything He wants – including not having a Hell – I’m not going to base my behavior in this life on someone else’s “reasonable hope.” We all have a “reasonable hope” of winning the lottery. In fact, it’s damn near a statistical certainty that someone will; but I was never strong in math. I am, after all, only six little numbers away – I should be able to wrap my brain around six little numbers.

So, while I give GOD permission to do anything He wants, I just can’t logically accept the concept that there is no Hell, or that it is empty. Seems to me, there’s just gotta be.

Otherwise, what is the point of Jesus Christ?

One could say that, while humans do really stupid things, JC wiped the slate clean and we’re all saved. One could say that. Many do. I don’t. For me, JC made it possible for me to be saved – He didn’t guarantee that, no matter what, I was going to be saved. In fact, Jesus spent a good part of his column-inches in the Bible talking about the existence of Hell. In fact – in fact – it is hard to read very much of the Bible without running head-long into judgment and punishment, sheep and goats, wheat and chaff, millstones, throwing seed on hard ground, among thorns, etc., etc., etc. It is like winning the lottery: beyond me to understand why there is so much talk of Hell – by the Man Himself – if there actually isn’t one. Dunno if Jesus had a great sense of humor or not (I have no idea why I just thot of Henny Youngman), but Hell seems a terrible joke. If it is one. As my old friend Bill Shakespeare would say, that is the rub: “if.”

If there isn’t a Hell…

…what is the point of rewarding everyone? Not everyone can win the race; not everyone can get the Blue Ribbon, First Prize, or a trophy for their I-love-me room at home. That just makes no sense; or the contest has no value. In every endeavor, there will be winners and those who aren’t. Our system of government works (after a fashion) because there is one person in the White House (present incumbent notwithstanding). You want to go to a doctor that graduated at the top of her class, don’t you? You want the pilot of your airplane to be the best, don’t you?

The person in office won the race, and there are many who did not. In any class, there is a valedictorian, and many others. Even in our games, there is a “world champ” (even if the game is not global at all). You can’t have one, without the other. Somebody wins, somebody doesn’t. That would seem to be the way Life works; at least that is how my thinking works.

Some would have us believe otherwise.

In the world of religion, there exists this thing called the “church of nice.” It isn’t a matter of who is welcome, it is based on the acceptance of every human behavior under the sun, as if all activity was, well, just activity. Relative truth has shoved Absolute Truth aside, in the name of not wanting to hurt anybody’s feelings. On Sunday morning, for about an hour or so, you can hear how anything and everything you do is “ok”; but come Monday morning, you are reminded that everyone has a boss and not all paychecks were created equal. Quite the disconnect. Quite the non sequitur. Quite conflicting (and only confusing it you think about it).

Being no scholar or theologian myself, I find that I can’t reconcile the death of Jesus (not only the death of the Man per se, but the manner of death – i.e., excruciatingly protracted and painful) with the idea that none of the rest of us have to pay a price, of some sort. I just can’t fathom the idea that Jesus suffered what we all consider a horrible punishment, with the idea that we don’t have to do our share.  Jesus as a “Get Out of Jail Free” card just doesn’t work for me. This view is certainly popular; this view is certainly the fashion. We are lemmings, willing to accept any position that relieves us of responsibility. As long as society gives us the freedom to do anything we want, we’re going to exercise the freedom to not think about doing the right thing. Hell, it doesn’t matter anyway: not here, not now, not there, not later. Right?

Fine, Jesus died to make it possible for all of us to go to Heaven. Yep, I agree. But, there was this caveat that the gate is narrow – it ain’t gonna be easy. Furthermore, if we adhere to the concept that we have free choice, then we can, in fact, reject GOD (this is called “sin”), and Heaven. GOD is not going to force us to wind up in Heaven. It’s there, Heaven is. He is knocking on the door. He has already reconciled us to Himself (the Crucifixion). However, as Fr Barron goes on to say, everyone is invited to Heaven; but some decide not to join the party.

2014
08/04
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Purpose

Let’s see: 24 hours in a day x 365 days in a year = 8760 hours in a year. 52 Sundays x 1.5 hours per Sunday = 78 hours per year at Mass (including travel time and the occasional “special” day like Christmas and Easter). That works out to 9-tenths of one percent. So, for those that go to church (“church-goers”), less than one percent of their time is spent doing something related to their spiritual health. For the overwhelming majority that don’t go to church, far less is spent on their own spiritual health.

The question is this: is it GOD’s intention that we spend so little time thinking of Him? Put another (more direct, more uncomfortable way): is it GOD’s intention that we think so little of Him? Well, I am not GOD, nor have I experienced anything resembling a Damascus Road, but I don’t think I will be struck by lightning if I surmise that GOD had something else in mind when He gave us free will.

If I spend one more hour per day in prayer (saying the Office, and maybe a Rosary), that adds up to one-half of one percent. If I was to guess, I would guess that the overwhelming percentage of church goers don’t do that much. The tip of the iceberg, while growing (for me), is not very impressive.

Are we here to make the most of this life, or prepare for the next life? Looking at the numbers, the numbers speak for themselves. And the numbers are not so much embarrassing as they are frightening.

Life expectancy here on this earth is something in the neighborhood of 70-80 years. Since our souls continue to live after our bodies cease to function, we are now looking at what, 80 years as a percentage of infinity? Sorry, I don’t know how to do that; my calculator won’t divide by infinity (maybe I should take it back?).

If you believe (and if you have read this far, you either do; or you are looking for something shiny) then you include in that belief that your soul – the eternal part of you – will live forever; and, hopefully that “forever” will include a fair share of time in GOD’s House of many rooms. 80 years now, and Eternity afterwards. You think your chances of winning the lottery are miniscule; what about your chances of winning Eternity by GOD’s Right Hand?

True enough: there is nothing we can do now – nothing at all – that will “win” us a seat next to the Throne of GOD. So, I guess we should do nothing at all, then? We should spend this time eating, drinking, and living like there is no tomorrow? After all: we cannot possibly influence, let alone guarantee, what fate awaits our soul on the other side of the grave. What’s the point? “What’s it all about, Alfy?” (for those old enough to remember 😉

I can’t argue with that logic. ‘Course, “logic” is man-made, and this sort of reasoning works only under the basic premise that GOD thinks the same way man does. I know for an indisputable fact that women do not think the same way men do, so I am just a tad skeptical about GOD thinking the same way any of us do. (Actually, I take great solace – I find great peace – in believing that GOD absolutely does NOT think the way I do. But, that’s just me; your mileage may differ.)

So, why are you here? What did GOD have in mind? Maybe He blew it with Adam and Eve, and the early Israelites? Don’t think so (where did that thunderstorm come from?). Do you really think GOD wants you to have the latest electronic gizmo? Ok, fine: maybe He does and I am the one that is way off base. But then, there’s that old saw: “you can’t take it with you.” Maybe things of this world are temporary for a reason (and ever changing, much to the relief of those obsessed with the pursuit of novelty). Maybe GOD is permanent and unchanging, for a reason (logic that we are presumably capable of understanding).

This all comes back to: what does GOD want from me now – what does GOD want me to do now? Burnt flesh on altars (and I don’t mean tanning beds)? Sack cloth and ashes (the grunge look comes close to that)? You don’t even have to go dust off the family Bible that has been sitting on the shelf for years and years (recording births, deaths, marriages have become passé); you can go on-line. For Catholics, the “official” version is instantly available at <usccb.org> (arguably, one of the worst translations ever; tho I do like the footnotes almost as much as my Jerusalem Bible). Since it is the internet, there are probably countless websites with versions of the Bible to suit any taste (and I do mean any taste, including those people with poor or no taste).

‘Course, in paper, or on-line, you gotta read it. Putting a copy under your pillow doesn’t work any better than it did for your physics textbook.

Looking, very briefly and superficially, at what is at stake, I offer this: 80 years here of very temporary stuff, or eternity of very permanent stuff. Why would I invest in the biggest house, the newest car, the most state-of-the-art electronic device, when I am going to spend a really long time without any of those things? Kinda like all those hours I spent learning physics, none of which I have used at all since college. Ok, I agree: learning a smidgeon of physics did enable me to earn (by the sweat of my brow) a degree in engineering. However, having a cell phone that lets me connect with people I have never met so I can “share” things of value like where they played golf last weekend, or who won the World Cup, will not enable my soul to do a damned thing in the Here After (the corollary of course being that the more effort I spend now in the things of the here and now, the more likely it will be that my soul will be damned in the Here After).

More to follow….

 

 

2014
07/14
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I am moved to wonder about the nature of things:

Things of this world are not bad. Things of this world are good; they are good because GOD made them. But, things of this world are not what we are made for; although we, too, are good. Things of this world exist to give us a choice. For, without options, without different things to choose from, we could not have any choice at all (by definition), let alone free will.

GOD gave us the intelligence and the possibilities so that we would have the freedom to choose. But, the freedom to choose comes at a cost: responsibility. We have the obligation to choose and the responsibility to be held accountable for our choices.

And the first, last and daily choice we cannot escape is the choice between GOD and the things of this world.

Two Goods.

GOD is good, things of this world are good. How about some of each? After all, it’s ALL good, isn’t it? Yasureyoubetcha.

However, while these mortal, flesh-n-bone bodies need things of this world to survive and even thrive, theses bodies will cease to function one day, and the things of this world will too (just ask the dinosaurs). I guess we are the ultimate house of cards on shifting sand. And, if all you see is a mortal, temporal, temporary, this-is-all-there-is existence, then your life just got really, really simple, and really, really pointless. At least I am unable to convince myself that all of the heartache and body aches all thru my short, miserable life were meant to enable me to eat this pepperoni pizza.

Actually, I would not call five score years a “short” life, but the heartaches I have lost count of, and the body aches I have never counted are real enough.

So, where does that leave us? I mean, if we can’t depend on the things of this world to bring us satisfaction and even joy, then what is there? I mean, what point is life after you have the iPhone and the 60 inch flat screen tv and you can tell your co-workers you’re flying to Lexington, Kentucky for the weekend, just to watch some horses run around a dirt track (and, only once, at that). At least the Indianapolis 500 takes all day, not just two minutes. (No, I’ve never seen either race, even though I grew up in Indiana.)

Maybe the things we can touch and smell and hear are not all there is? Maybe we do have a choice between things of this world and, um, I guess it would be “things not of this world.” If we have free will, then I guess we do have that choice. If we don’t have that choice, then we don’t have free will. Which would you want, if you (wait for it) had the choice?

Me? Both, thank you very much.

Catch-not-22

In fact, things of this world were made for us human beings; and we human beings were made for the things of this world. Pretty clever, huh? Kinda like, fish need water and birds need air, and presto (as if by magic) there is water for fish and air for birds. Who woulda thought? We human beings eat more different kinds of foods than any other creature (if you ever had balut or natoo, you know what I mean by “different”); we can live in more different climates than any other creature (if you live east of the Rocky Mountains, you can attest to what “different” means when it comes to winters, esp recently). When it comes to living in this world and doing things in this world, humans can do more different things (to varying degrees of success) than any other creature. I guess that house of cards is made up of jacks? (That would be “jack of all trades” for those of you that haven’t had you first double shot espresso of the day.)

In summary, human beings were made to go almost anywhere and do almost anything; there is very little about this physical world that is not accessible to human beings. Such versatility. Why? So that our choices could be very nearly limitless. So that our egos and abilities and talents could be given free reign. We are not big fish in a little pond. We are small fish in a unfathomable cosmos, and we want to explore it. We need to. We have to. We are made to.

So, what’s the catch? The catch is, damn it, we are responsible for our choices. Or, to quote someone who used to be a very important person in my life: “choices have consequences.”

Tilting at windmills

The fact of the matter is, there are worldly things that are good to have and other-worldly things that are good to have. Stands to reason.  You know: some of this, some of that; a little bit more of this, a little bit less of that. For some, it seems like 100% here-n-now; if it feels good, do it; the person who dies with the most toys wins; and 0% whatever else there might be “out there”. Certainly our culture pounds this mentality into us: get as much as you can, while you can, and absolutely nothing – and no one – else matters.  Whew!  No wonder we’re tired all the time: running day and night after the latest and greatest novelty.  And people think Don Quixote was a fool.

But this brings us to what it is you put in your old kit bag.  First, there is more than enough in the world for most of us.  Most people who have the resources to be reading this are sufficiently wealthy and live in sufficiently free societies to have a veritable cornucopia at their fingertips (if you are not one of these, please advise: I really don’t have very good grasp of who my audience might be).  What you pick and put into your lives is just a small fraction of what you could.  Everyday, we chase after more and more, fall into bed exhausted and join the same rat race again the next day.  There is no danger of running out of stuff; either stuff to do, or stuff to stuff into our garages and our rented storage containers.

And, while we are gathering stuff to stuff ourselves with, where is GOD?  Where is our preparation to meet Him?  Oh yeah, “Tomorrow – I’ll love ya tomorrow.”  Maybe not.

In the first place, why are you convinced you’ll have tomorrow?  All you really have is today.  Yesterday is just a memory, and tomorrow is just a dream.  In the second place, if you’ve spent all your earthly time pursuing things of this world and haven’t given your life after this one much thought, then how will you recognize it when death hits you in the face like a cold, wet fish?

Besides, hope is not really a strategy.

+++

While this essay really doesn’t end here; too much has happened in my little corner of the world recently to keep on this particular track.  Rest assured: I’ll come back to it  (as some of you know, with me there is no such thing as a short answer).  In the meantime, mosey on over to BernardGaynor.com.au   I am a very proud United States Marine (no longer on active duty), and I just can’t imagine going through what has recently happened to Major Gaynor.  Sadly, I don’t think the Red, White and Blue is far behind.

2014
05/23
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Double Header

Thanks to NBC for that tag line. Yes, today is a big deal for Roman Catholics. Two popes canonized, two popes presiding. Can it get any better? Yes. For starters, I could have been there (but on the other hand, happily not sharing the experience with a few hundred thousand of my newest BFFs).

I understand from the secular news media that there is some controversy. Some may be conflicted, but I am not. For me, Saint John Paul II is the one person that brought me back to the Church. My mother got me started, but JP2 took me by the lapels and shook some sense back into me. And, I had the divine blessing to have been close enough to Pope Emeritus Benedict to touch his sleeve (yeah, probably a bigger deal than Midnight Mass at St Peters – can I get back to you on that?).

So, this day, for me, is a day of great rejoicing. No controversy. Only peace. Only joy.

Having built my house on rock, and not sand, I am not afraid the opinions and comments of others. For those who are believers, we are one. For those who are not, for those who can’t relate, who don’t want to relate, who scoff, who criticize, who complain; for those who can’t hear Jesus knocking at the door, who hear and do nothing but complain; for the lukewarm, well, all I can do is pray.

Go ahead and throw stones. At 2,000 years old (give or take), over a billion current followers of every stripe (uncountable over those 20 centuries), incomprehensible number of pages written by and about, the Roman Catholic Church is an easy target. You are not doing yourselves any favors.

If you want to make this world a better place. If you want to improve the lot of the overwhelming percentage of the human race, you would do better to start building than tearing down. If you are about yourself, get a life.

For me, today is huge. It is truly a watershed year.

I had something else planned for my next post; but to borrow: the very stones cry out.

2014
04/27
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The Lonely Dragon

My father once said he’d often been alone, but he’d never been lonely. As a professional writer his entire adult life, he always chose his words with precision. But, I never learned his secret of how to not be lonely. Alone is easy: I have been alone on an aircraft carrier; alone on a crowded street (to borrow the cliché); in fact, I prefer alone – as I believe most writers do. And, as I grow older, I find I work harder to achieve a state of being alone. Lonely is another matter entirely.

Apparently our old friend, Billy Shakespeare, used it first when Coriolanus goes to a lonely dragon. Then, on this side of the pond, Thoreau says that we are more lonely when we are among men. More recently Pirsig reiterates the idea of being completely alone, even with others.

What is interesting is that my father volunteered that he had never been lonely; and he never volunteered much, especially about himself. Yes, that does beg the question.

For my part, being lonely was a constant companion. Whereas I seek solitude, and peace and quiet (during Eucharistic Adoration today, a couple sitting directly behind me – I learned as I left, an elderly couple (their whispering was meant for the stage) – kept up a constant conversation – great Penance for me), loneliness is like unwittingly stepping in dog shit and not being able to scrape it off: the stench is as persistent as it is pungent (I must admit that I have never knowingly stepped in it, so I guess “unwittingly” is redundant?). Do I need to mention unpleasant?

I don’t know why my father wrote; he had the uncharacteristic inconsideration to die before I learned to talk to him. He once said that the only thing he ever feared was the empty page. I write to feel less lonely, and I revel in the empty page (or rather, I revel in filling the empty page).

My spiritual growth blossomed early and then took a detour in the desert, and recently has, thank GOD, returned to an oasis where it has, once again, blossomed. Very much a version of, “there, but for the Grace of GOD, go I”; but that subject is for another day. And with this renewal, the lonely dragon has evidently been vanquished. But, Dad was not what I would call a “GOD fearing man”; respectful, yes; conscious, yes; but neither Mom (my Roman Catholic roots) nor Dad spent much time on religion outside of church. So, I find it hard to imagine that Dad found strength in his Faith – not impossible, mind you: I am sorry to say I never knew him well (which, fittingly, my daughter could easily say about me; if she cared, that is).

Whereas, I was jerked back into consciousness, out of the stupor of wanting to be part of the American dream, when Pope John Paul II died. Perhaps it was a miracle that I was found – I was most definitely a lost sheep (of Biblical proportions, I assure you), but I think not. And having discarded so much desire of wanting to be part of the rat race, I began to hear Christ knocking on the door. Yeah, still a lot of work before I get the door open (the hinges are rusted shut), but I find I am no longer lonely. Dad may have exiled the dragons with his command of the written word (and, bully for him, if true); I have found peace in the Word of GOD.

2014 has all the signs of being a watershed year for me, and I have known a few. After 29 years with “The Company”, the position I have had the past six months is moving south. In one way, it is literally moving from Puget Sound to Southern California. In another way, this “crown jewel” of the company (to use the words from some high muckety-muck), is going south, as in down the tubes. Which puts me in the position of trying to find another paycheck; or, letting them put me out to pasture and thanking GOD that I don’t drink their Kool-Aid (the company, very characteristically has promised the press that it will help everyone find employment, and since I long ago learned not to believe either the company or the press, I am not putting all my eggs in that handbasket).

I had planned on working for another five, or ten years, which makes this news something of a fiscal shock. The desire to retire from the rat race and the ability to retire from it could not be more stark; but, Dad financed the raising of five kids on his pen (Mom raised us, but Dad paid the bills); surely, with far fewer mouths to feed, I can do the same? Besides, I look forward to having the time to explore the spiritual side of life, instead of chasing the temporal side of life. However, the habit of pursuing a paycheck for the past 43 years will be hard to discard.

There be dragons?

Yes, there may be dragons; but maybe it is time I left a sinking ship.

2014
04/25
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