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I recently received the newsletter (old fashion PAPER-type newspaper – didn’t know they made these anymore) from the “Regional Fire Authority” that I happen (thru no fault of my own) to live in. Two items caught my eye:

1. We now have “traffic calming interventions”. It’s been a few days, and I still have no idea why anyone would think that communication and not confusion has occurred. I am usually able to “tune out” (can we still say that?) gobbledegook, but I just could not shake this one off. Like a smidge of honey (or something else) that seems to get transplanted onto absolutely everything, this “traffic calming” phenom has stuck with me all week. Fortunately, the article gave an example: speed bumps. I suppose there are other “interventions,” but I really – no, really – don’t want to know. In any event, I have never found speed bumps to be particularly “calming” – “infuriating” is the first word that usually penetrates my thick brain. And, “intervention” sounds like there is something terribly wrong that, if left to itself, will result in the destruction of the known universe (the destruction of the unknown being somewhat hard to document, you understand?).

2. Not to be outdone, in the same newspaper, was the shocking statistic that “36% of all pedestrians killed in traffic crashes were legally drunk….” Clearly, when drunk (if that is not an oxymoron, it does not belong in the “Regional Fire Authority” newspaper), one should not walk. Clearly, walking drunk carries with it a 1 in 3 chance of being killed. Clearly, the only alternative is to drive – there was no mention in the newspaper about driving while drunk, so that must be much safer. It only stands to reason.

3. However, in an effort to prove that “Dilbert” is a documentary, the work-group to which I belong issued an email (no paper, here) that included the statement that “leadership” (obviously a very loose use of the term) was “engaged in the process and very excited by its ability to provide transparency.” Of course, one is nothing these days if one is not engaged, to someone (gender de jour) or something, so it goes without saying that leadership is engaged. Slightly more difficult to comprehend would be the prospect that leadership is excited about anything, other than preserving their own little fiefdoms. But, to note that the possibility of “transparency” might exist is truly noteworthy! I am ever so grateful that I was sitting down when I read that. I shudder to think how my world will change, knowing that the powers-that-be are excited about transparency! Also, they intend to keep a record of all decisions; truly a short treatise, that.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
Lewis Carroll